There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize