I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
