I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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