it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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