i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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