I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
