You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
