They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
