Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
