Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
