boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
