Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
