No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
