my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
