Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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