I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
