i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
