when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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