I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
