The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I still have a little drunk in my system
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
