why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
