just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This house was built for laser tag.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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