you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
