Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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