drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize