She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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