ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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