Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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