my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
