I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
