You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize