smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
