he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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