i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
