I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
