I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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