You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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