I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
