I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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