There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
