Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
