Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
