Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
