so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
