wanna go halves on a baby?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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