we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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