I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
