Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
