i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
