Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
