I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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