Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
