did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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