I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
