anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
