If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
