Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
