How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
