Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
