I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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