allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize