Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
