Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
