Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
