hell yes lets make some ravioli
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize