y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
