I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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