We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
