last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
